i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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