how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm like, not good at living.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
