This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize