Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
