Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
