I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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