So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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