the condom got lost in my hair
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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