You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
