the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
