the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
