I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize