so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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