The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
