just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
