So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
