Redeem this text for a blowjob
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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