fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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