I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am mentally ready for anal.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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