good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
