So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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