Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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