I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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