So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
