Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize