we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
