I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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