Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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