How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
