Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
