White coat. Heels.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
