Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
