I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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