I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
