we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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