i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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