so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
