they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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