drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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