don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
