You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
