we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
