made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
