Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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