I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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