He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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