Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
