Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
