Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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