So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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