Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize