im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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