Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
