she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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