Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize