making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
