Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this is an emotional support booty call
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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