I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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