The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
