I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
MIDGETS
????
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
