Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
