Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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