we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
