Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
