it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
