I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
