I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
