i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
