Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
