I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
