His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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