so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
