Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
